When women stop hating their bodies

The title alone is enough for me.

I bought this book on Amazon and have been thumbing through it over the last few days. It's really good...even though I am not subscribing to anybody's eating principles just now. I've listened to other people for so long that am at a point now where I'm not hearing anybody but me.

So, I stood in front of the mirror yesterday, naked, as one of the exercises in the book suggests and I thought about all of the things I hate and thought about whether or not they were really that bad.

A part of me that I tend to hate is my arms, my upperarms. I always feel like they are thick and huge like a linebacker and I wear long sleeves or short sleeves that fall to my elbow because of them. I've always hated their size. So, then I had to think about what I liked about them. I like that they are smooth and not flappy, kind of solid. I like my skin-tone. So, my challenge for myself was to find a shirt that shows off my arms and then to actually wear it out in public. I went shopping at Dots (which has cute, super-cheap clothes and a decent plus-sized section) and found a shirt that I think will meet this task. I like the shirt because its a little low-cut, but not too low-cut (my boobs are definitely my friend!) and it cinches at the waist, which I have always liked because I love my waist. It's blue and white, which is not a color I normally wear. I tend to wear black (you know why, so don't even ask), red, brown and pink. So, this blue is a step out of my comfort zone. I am planning to pair the shirt with a pair of white (gasp!) slacks that I bought online from Old Navy.

I have been torn about shopping at Old Navy's fat girl shop online because of the whole concept of not offering these awesomely awesome clothes at the store around the corner and, effectively, saying "We'll make cute clothes for you, but you can't come into our stores". But my pride is apparently a little bit weaker than my love of fashion because I am an avid Old Navy online shopper. You just can't beat the prices, the quality and the cuteness...

So, anyway, I am planning to wear this outfit this weekend (when the temp here should go up to a steamy 45 degrees). I will make Darnell snap a photo of me so that I can share my Fat Fashionable Self with all of you and you can let me know what you think.

I will share more of my experiences with this book with you all as I complete them and continue my journey into self-love (hmm, that sounds kind of kinky, doesn't it?). I'm really thinking it shouldn't be too hard (well, it will be hard, I'm sure) because I kind of already am a little bit stuck on myself. How can I not be? I live in my own skin and I love my mind and my wit and my sense of humor already. It's not such a stretch to love my body as well.

Oh yeah, I will share one more thing today.

I was looking at Medusa's blog and saw this picture of Marilyn Monroe. Well, by today's standards, she was a little hefty round the bottom. Can anyone deny her beauty? This started me thinking about my very first diet. Here is a photo of me when I first decided that I was too fat for normal consumption and went on the Atkins diet.

I weighed around 180 pounds. Can't remember exactly. I hated my body back then and only wanted to be thinner. In all likelihood, if I had never dieted in the first place. I would probably be somewhere around this weight.

Oddly enough, I think I'm prettier today.

I might write more this weekend. I promised my mom (who has lung cancer and uses it to her advantage to get whatever she wants from her baby girl) that I would get her some fried fish this weekend. So, I will be busy with that and then glueing swarvoski crystals onto my niece Nay-Nay's new phone (I am not crafty, so prayers and supplication to the heavens would come in handy on this task).

Before I bid you adieu, remember to say a prayer, find some Zen or shakra for Amyb's baby boy Philip. And don't forget to set your clocks ahead at 2am on Sunday.

Love, peace and hairgrease.